Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The feeling are messing with the penis
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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