What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
