I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
