So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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