Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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