just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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