Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
