So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
