He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
