Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
