think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
