I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
