Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
