So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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