We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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