i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize