I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
