after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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