I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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