She swung at the pinata with crutches
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
