I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
