I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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