i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
