But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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