I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize