I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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