It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
