some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
