Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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