Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize