I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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