I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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