Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
