she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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