Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
