You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Randomize
