That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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