even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
