3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
