i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize