I'll bet she douches with gravy.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
