Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize