i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
