So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
