are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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