your parents love me but you hate me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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