Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
