Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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