Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
did i just pee glitter
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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