I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We don't watch enough power rangers
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
