i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you will always have a special place in my vag
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
