I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
