well you can't waste a boner
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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