How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
