In the future we'll all be gay
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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