I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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