all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
