rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
