I bet he comes in French.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
