This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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