shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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