on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
