So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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