I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
