So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize