How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
