no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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