Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
we should paint friendship bongs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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