Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize