but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
