South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
