I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
