Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize