Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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