If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
