cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
