I think I died a long time ago.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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