just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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