So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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