Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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