I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
