i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
