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Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
you never un-have a 4some
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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