I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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