I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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